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The Ballad of Madelyne & Therese

by Rachel Garlin

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I wrote him a letter in early June I said: you’re not doing Anything wrong,I scribbled it down This is about me not you And I sealed my letter And sent it on I let a day go by and then a dozen I got a note back from him That said: I miss you We went for a walk in the autumn rain And it was not light rain, not gentle Not a gutter didn’t flood that day Oh oh oh, oh oh oh Nothing has changed I showed him my reflection In the mirror we broke I shared a poem by Donahue A dream and a sigh He spit it out: you crack me open Like a Northern Red Oak With a hole in the middle And a deep divide Thanksgiving day, a little stormy And I knew his mother was alone I missed her We shared a sigh In the autumn rain Chorus And the rain was a river That reigned us in He dips in just to test things And the sigh was a sliver Of where we’d been A cinnamon suggestion And I knew it was foolish At the end of the night But I invited him to follow me Up the back stairs I slipped a bit, then he caught me And he gripped me tight At the small of my back And he held me there But he’s moving on, to New Orleans And I know he’s not moving alone I miss him We went for a drive In the pouring rain Chorus
5.
Louisa 03:04
I’m giving you, Louisa My full attention I have a question I just have to mention Louisa, did you want to Wear that dress? If you did it’s fine But I’ve got a pair of 501 Levi’s And they’re button fly If you want to try on My five-zero-uno Louisa, we don’t talk about You know It’s really not my business My business what you wear What’s more important Is who you are inside there And clothing closets have A history of confinement So if you’re less than comfortable Feel free to redefine it Chorus You’ve got muscles and curves And pressure to be perfect Carrying the weight of the world Is it worth it Please Louisa Chorus
6.
Yellow 03:58
I was told that flaxen Is the weaker shade of gold That butterscotch medallion Beats a honey marigold And there’s a field just east of Paris Teaming with a mustard seed A Dijon that is lashed Before it’s sold And there’s a flash of yellow That is dragons breathing Fire inside a coal I can be a letter-opener Or keep it sealed I can deal a better poker face When I'm revealed I cannot upset the way of things Like napkin rings That rattle through a meal But I’ll not assume the yellow Of a dead canary buried in a field Yellow to remember Yellow to be kind Yellow for my darling Yellow darkness, yellow light Yellow-bellied river Through the yellow dust you wind I’ve got yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow on my mind Sometimes you meet lovers Who are dying to grow old Covered in their covers They are flannelled and controlled And there isn’t room for Tuscan sun Or pineapple or daffodil or flame Sometimes you meet others Steeping in the certainty of change Oh, amber-colored planets Spinning endlessly Through outer space Yellow to remember Yellow to be kind Yellow for my darling Yellow darkness, yellow light Yellow-bellied river Through the yellow dust you wind I’ve got yellow, yellow, yellow, yellow Yellow, yellow, yellow on my mind
7.
Night Time 03:34
Most people who know me Would say that I smile a lot I’m a positive optimist Slowly metabolizing All this fear that I’ve got When I get older Maybe I’ll grow out of it And get used to the fact That this life is finite And the only wild card That you get We’re all driven by something If we’re lucky we’re inspired I think about death quite a bit Usually at night time My grandma on the mountain Some days I still grieve her And I never lost trust In what I was told Of the story of Julius Caesar He stood by the statue In the apocryphal tale Came to realize The number of years that we get Has nothing to do with what’s fair We’re all driven by something If we’re lucky we’re inspired I think about death quite a bit Usually at night time No family before me Wore a cap and gown No one finished up Elementary school Or traveled away from this town And that just makes me grateful For the past that I had Our house was the smallest But we didn’t notice You compare, you despair Then you’re dead We’re all driven by something If we’re lucky we’re inspired I think about death quite a bit Usually at night time
8.
I remove the dust jackets My stacks of books Don’t need them Extraneous and colorful Impractically, I keep them I take them off, unfold them then Create a paper peregrine And give myself to melancholy blue I receive the messages Rarely in support of Ambiguous meanderings The kind the world needs more of Clarity is overdue, a cloudy beaker Shaken through I fill myself with melancholy blue Blue, blue I remove the mud from shoes And file away the taxes Supply the drawer with extra stamps In case that’s what the ask is Auditing myself anew What’s my internal revenue I will myself to melancholy blue Blue, blue What’s the thing that matters most When matter turns to ashes A summer tan, a winter coat Or springing into action Or wandering in old New England Walden Pond in view Or falling into melancholy blue Blue, blue Falling into melancholy blue
9.
Up to speed, I don’t go My day starts fast ‘til I make it slow Catch me up, my old friend We fell apart And now we’re flying close again And we’re standing in the lobby Of the midnight matinee Ticket holders for The never cabaret The coffee’s black As a flat bandstand The velvet’s faded As a weathered hand Catch me up, I want to know Bring me Roses of Jericho Standing in the lobby Of the midnight matinee Ticket holders for The never cabaret Lately I’ve been listening to To the deepest ache inside of me It hurts but gives me some small relief To feel that I am feeling Maybe I’m still trembling, reeling The flickering of fireflies Behind the marquis Standing in the lobby Of the midnight matinee Ticket holders for The never cabaret
10.
Speak 03:49
If, if you seek A more pleasant place A more pleasant beach Speak, speak to me No secret hurts More than denying me Some simple words Words I need To know that you know me Speak to me about the way You talk about me When I'm not there Do you tell your friends That you put your hands In places where I’m weak I need you to speak How could I leave And then believe It would be different The second time around Around your friends Let me guess I’m not the person that anyone expects To be your next, to be your one Not in the light not in the sun, no Speak to me about the way You talk about me When I'm not there Do you tell your friends That you put your hands In places where I’m weak I need you to speak And if, if you dare To go there Then tell me why you Deny that you’re ashamed But you still escape Into this embrace But you can’t speak it to my face, no Speak to me about the way You talk about me when I'm not there Do you tell your friends That you put your hands In places where I’m weak I need you to speak I need you to speak to me I need you, I need you I need you to speak
11.
Madelyne Why 03:30
I bought a new two-piece Blue and white A loose-fitting tunic, linen At an island price Bought a bag of apples And a sac of sugarcane On an overnight boat Overnight boat In the aching rain I arrived confused Didn’t know why Why you Didn’t let me see you Didn’t let me through Didn’t let me tell you What I wanted to do Didn’t let me reach you Swim to meet you In the blue Oh Madelyne why Why didn’t you I took my confessions To an empty beach I scraped my knuckles On the coral reef I surrendered my sandals To a gang of angry waves What the ocean captures After all, the ocean saves And I survived The masked-man flu So why, why didn’t you Didn’t let me see you Didn’t let me through Didn’t let me tell you What I wanted to do Didn’t let me reach you Swim to meet you In the blue Oh Madelyne why Why didn’t you
12.
Shame on Me 03:30
You said You weren’t even looking That you’d be flying solo From now on I took your smile as An invitation to dance My chance To prove you wrong Shame on me, shame on me For trying to get you to do What you said you couldn’t do Shame on me, shame on me Shame on me, for loving you Sometimes a walk When it’s close to midnight Is the kind of thing You do with just a friend That night you said goodbye Then turned around And kissed me I guess I got a different message Than you were trying to send Shame on me, shame on me For trying to get you to do What you said you couldn’t do Shame on me, shame on me Shame on me for loving you I wish I could believe It’s over That I could find the strength To walk away But every time I try I give in to the lie That if I said goodbye You’d be begging me to stay Shame on me, shame on me For trying to get you to do What you said you couldn’t do Shame on me, shame on me Shame on me for loving you For loving you Loving you
13.
I’m lying in the grass Where the heather grows Breeze on face, eyes closed I feel a shiver Run down my back and toes What's the meaning, who knows I'm where the ocean Meets the sky Hello beats goodbye Love I wrote you a letter In the window steam While the kettle screamed Then I watched it disappear I want to follow in the path Of the hummingbird Light green Through the lavender Where the ocean Meets the sky Hello beats goodbye Yeah love I’m where the Ocean meets the sky Hello beats goodbye Yeah love, yeah love I'm lying in the grass Where the heather grows Is this freedom, or pretty close Ocean meets the sky Hello beats goodbye Yeah love Voice, guitar: Rachel Garlin Guitars: David Levita Electric guitars: Jason Soda Piano: Deron Johnson Bass: Jonny Flaugher Drums, percussion: Victor Indrizzo

credits

released June 2, 2023

Produced by Jonny Flaugher
"Yellow" produced by Julie Wolf
"Night Time" produced by Ron Alan Cohen

All songs written by Rachel Garlin
"Shame on Me" written by Rachel Garlin and Steve Seskin

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Rachel Garlin San Francisco, California

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